My thoughts

Well, I've been writing these for a few weeks now. I hope by reading it, people will get what I mean to say and how am I feeling right now.

Reality or fantasy?

Is it reality?

That's he's here beside me,

in the movies together?

Is it  fantasy?

That every time I talk,

his eyes are on me?

Am I focusing?

When we were pouring over books,

in my study group?

Am I hallucinating,?

when his eyes look right through me?

Am I dreaming?

When we walk together, 

side by side in the mall?

Will he be reminded of me?

Every time he reads my book,

and examines my bookmark?

Will I keep hoping?

For him to know more about me?

Will we be friends till the end?

Will the start something new happens?

=================================================================

How I feel

In a new place,

Full of new faces and characters,

Feeling lonely and withdrawn,

Crying on my bed every night.

Then a new phase started,

On that very first day,

When I'm made friends,

And people started to accept me.

Then, I saw him,

From a distance.

Looking quiet and reserved,

Vowing to know who he is.

As time passed,

We became buddies,

And starting then,

My feelings began to bloom.

But then,

He somehow made it clear,

That we are good friends,

And nothing more.

Ironically though,

The more time I spend with him,

I've become happier,

And much more sad than ever.

Although he likes me as a friend,

Telling me that I'm different from other girls,

That I'm being myself,

The frustration is still there.

It is very heartbreaking,

To know there is no space,

In his heart for me,

Noticing how pricey that space is.

As I wrote,

Pouring my heart and soul,

I've just realised that,

I have to shut away my feelings,

Deep down in my heart.

=================================================================

If Only You Knew.

Right here in this place,

Looking around for you.

Feeling a bit frustrated,

When I didn't found you,

Suddenly, there you are,

Right at the back,

Bringing a smile to my face,

When I saw your glow from afar,

If only you knew,

How I feel about you,

How I smile when I think of you,

How I laugh when I'm around you,

How I stare when you walk away,

If only you knew,

How sad I am to keep my feelings away,

How badly I have to shove my feelings,

Deep, deep down in my heart,

How huge that ache is,

It tears me apart,

To see how you care for me, 

To see how you make me laugh,

To see how you imprint yourself in me,

To see how you make me smile,

Because to you,

We are nothing more than buddies,

And you don't have the same feelings for me,

As I do for you,

And funnily,

You don't even notice my feelings for you,

Because I'm trying so, so hard to conceal it from you,

If only you knew.